Li Shang's Dilemma
by Rachel Cabbit
Summary: Li Shang struggles to accept that he has feelings for a certain hopeless boy in his camp. This takes place during and after the movie. *Revised Version*
1. Chapter 1: Unwanted Feelings

**_Li Shang's Dilemma_**

**Summary: **

Captain Li Shang is a young Chinese soldier with great skill, huge potential and "an impressive military lineage"- perfect to teach a bunch of hopeless peasant men to be soldiers to fight for their country. Shang is tough, strong and confident: until 'he' came along. Fa Ping.

Shang struggles to accept that he has feelings for that certain hopeless boy in his camp. This takes place during and after the movie.

**Author Notes: **

Heya! Just re-uploading the chapters; correcting mistakes, making them look nicer- stuff like that. Haven't changed the story though so don't worry (no matter how tempting it was to make these first few chapters longer!) Enjoy!

_**Old Author Notes: **_

_Hey all. This is a fic about Shang and his feelings for Mulan before he knew her as Mulan. Sorry that the chapters are short. Tell me what you think please and I'll try and improve._

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**Chapter 1: _Unwanted feelings_**

The moon was surrounded by the velvet darkness by the time I allowed the recruits to return to their camp. They were getting better, but only slightly. Some showed no improvement at all, namely Fa Ping. He is the most un-warrior-like person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. He is scrawny and clumsy, awkward and completely crazy. What kind of man talks to himself? He seemed far too young to be a warrior; his voice hasn't even broken properly yet. I might as well have him discharged.

This evening we trained by lifting up heavy rocks, testing endurance by carrying them as far as possible, improving our speed as well. At least the others were improving a little. Fa Ping just gets worse. For one thing he couldn't get the rock to budge an inch, then he tripped up on a tree root and fell into the others causing a few injuries because of the falling rocks. For the sake of the others I should have him discharged.

But I can't.

I don't know why, but I cannot look that boy in the face and say, "Go home."

I don't want him to go home. It's strange. I avoid looking at the boy now, because I get a feeling as though my stomach is doing somersaults when I do. And it annoys me. At first I thought he made me nauseous. But now, I'm not so sure. I'm beginning to question my sexuality. I am ashamed to be around the boy because of the fear that I will discover the answer to my questioning, and bring dishonour to my family.

That boy with his strangely shiny, soft-looking black hair and beautiful brown eyes. He is too pretty to be a normal boy. I prey that these feelings are brotherly, but, though I hate to admit it, they might be coming from my heart.


	2. Chapter 2: Finally Letting Go

_**Old Author Notes: **_

_Hi again. Here is the equally short chapter 2. Enjoy._

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**Chapter 2: _Finally Letting Go_**

I have had enough. I cannot take it any more! I am tearing myself apart because of him! Not only does he jeopardise my chances of having a first class army but also he causes me a lot of lost sleep. I fear being rejected by my family if my feelings towards the boy are.. well.. love. There I admitted I might love the boy. I hope not. It makes what I have to do even harder.

The sparkling stars are the only witnesses, staring from the velvet navy sky above upon the camp. The tents dormant with the snores of exhausted soldiers heard over the faint wind.

There he stood. Fa Ping. The boy who I am secretly so attached to. The boy whose nervous gaze makes me feel like.. blushing. What was going on? Why did my body feel this way? Why did my heart tell me this?

Forcing all nonsense out of my head, I strode boldly up to the boy, who began to look desperately scared as I towered a head above him. He looked so pathetic. Part of me wanted to hit him for being such a wimp. The other part wanted to take him in my arms and hold him.

I gathered all of my courage to do the thing I had needed to do for so long.

"Fa." I began, my voice coming out low and gruff. His eyes looked up into mine and I felt like I would melt. I kept composed though and stared back, hoping to hide the warmth I felt inside having him near me. "Pack up."

His eyes widened in surprise.

"Go home." I continued.

"But.." He tried to plead but I cut him off.

"You're through." My words came out harshly. Ping looked like he would cry. It was almost breaking my heart to look at him. I handed him the reins of his horse and turned away, trying to hide the pain on my face. It was the right thing to do. Having him here was a distraction for me. It was a problem for my men.

I strode off, hoping that this was for the best. Preying silently that I would return back to normal now that Fa Ping was out of my life.


	3. Chapter 3: The Boy Can Be A Man After Al...

**Author Notes: **

Ignore the old author notes since I got rid of the old update day. It resulted in me getting too stressed with all my stories and not enjoying writing them, so I got rid of it and now update whenever I can be bothered/can find the time. But you can still check my bio and I even have a progress diary that will tell you where I am up to. Link is on my bio.

_**Old Author Notes: **_

_Thank you Thank you thank you! Thank you for all of your kind reviews! Here is a new chapter for you. Sorry it's short... But I just want to draw to your attention that my update day will be Sunday. So every week there should be a new chapter up. If not, all info is posted on my bio, just to keep you informed (since author notes have been banned unless they are on your story) ((rolls eyes)) ah well, I'm gonna go and watch Mulan again a dozen times and take notes for my next few chapters. Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

Chapter **3: _The Boy Can Be A Man After All_******

Sleep refused to come that night. I tossed and turned in my tent, cocooning myself in blankets and kicking them away in tired frustration. He _still_ kept me awake. He was gone. Probably on his way home, on the road to his village as we speak. And yet, I still could not drift off into the deep slumber that I used to be able to fall into with ease before I met him. Why had he affected me so much? He who could not be a man? Maybe that was it. He reminds me so much of a woman. A perfect woman. He is delicate and innocent. Too naïve for war. He is fine featured and thin; his body structure incapable of being a warrior in the strain of battle. And yet he is smart and hardworking like a man, quick-witted and image conscious. Could I be attracted to his feminine side? I just hope that it is just his femininity and how he reminds me of a woman that makes me feel this way, and not that I am in … love… with him.

I pondered all night, unable to sleep. After I came to this conclusion, my uneasy mind grew too weary to trouble me any longer and I managed to close my eyes. But it seemed that no sooner had I began to dream, I was rudely awoken by the cheers of the men. Confused and sleep deprived I flung open the curtain of my tent. Morning sun blinded me for a moment, but my vision became clear and I could not believe what I was seeing.

The target I had set at the beginning of our training; the arrow at the top of the tallest pole, shot into the ground before my eyes… by none other than Fa Ping.

I blinked in disbelief. The scrawny boy had learned something. Proving me wrong. I smiled. I wasn't going to be rid of him that easy. Especially not now that I know he can be a man after all.

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Arrrggggh! Too short! I know, I'll post another chapter today too! Just to make it a better read. Darn it, my chappies must get longer. I'm sure they will, almost 100 percent sure. Almost..._


	4. Chapter 4: The Aftermath Of The Arrow Te...

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Hey, here is another chapter. It is slightly longer, but I am gonna make my newer chapters longer. I feel so guilty about making you wait so long for such short chapters! I'm sorry! I will make it up to you though. _

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**Chapter 4: _The Aftermath Of The Arrow Test_.**

Ever since that incident, the troops have been working better. I have a feeling that we are on our way towards becoming a top class army… well, maybe. We have had the odd mishap both those are growing to be few are far between, and despite my best efforts many soldiers are not physically fit (not pointing any fingers of course…) But on the whole we are quickly improving and I believe it was Ping who catalysed the whole process. His determination spurred the troops on and won their trust. I was even inspired by how, even after I informally dismissed the boy, he had faith in himself and, well I felt a sense of pride in the fact that he had proved me wrong, because a part of me wanted him to stay. It seems strange, but what I mean is also that many boys nowadays wouldn't mind giving up and saving themselves from a war, even if it meant dishonour. Ping however remains faithful to tradition and doesn't want to bring dishonour to his family. So he stayed and despite the fact that I was so uncaring and cold in front of him, he still sat there and smiled at me.

"Captain Shang, I hope this means I don't have to leave." I remember him saying nervously after he clambered down from the pole. I almost smiled but made sure I showed no clear favouring emotion. I simply told him sternly,

"No, you can stay. But if I don't receive as much effort as that in all aspects of your training you can pack your bags and leave for good."

The boy looked disappointed that this was all I said, but I couldn't give in to my emotions. If I were to show that I admired him even a little, it would be unfair on the other troops and they might grow to resent the boy whom I have grown to care about so much.

So training improved. And so did Ping. I remember teaching the troops martial arts, and Ping, whose clumsiness has almost melted into agility (almost), was able to avoid my blows and punch me in the jaw. He wasn't very strong, but I shouldn't expect much more from someone of his build.

It's growing harder to ignore him. He shines amongst the other troops. He catches my eye with his almost feminine mannerisms and humorous attempts at trying to fit in and pretending to be macho. I'm not sure, but I think he likes me. I'm not sure though. I mean, he may just admire me, after all I am the captain. He may see me as an older brother-type figure. Part of me hopes not though. But it may be that I am misreading him. I see the way he glances over at me all of the time and looks me in the eye when I am not looking, averting his gaze when I catch him. Maybe I am imagining the pink tinge on his cheeks?

I hope not. No! I hope I am! I don't want him to like me! I need to rid my thoughts of him. I am a man! He is a man, (well, almost)… It is wrong! No matter how feminine he seems, he is still just a boy and I am not falling for him! Even though he has every personality trait that I want in a partner- he is just a boy and we are not destined for one another. _I hope_…

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_OK. Another chapter up. Another week till the next one. I will make the chapters better for next update day. Promise. Till then though, remember to keep checking out my bio for updates and news on my stories._


	5. Chapter 5: A Girl Worth Fighting For

**_Old Author Notes:_**

_I'm not too good with the spellings of the Chinese names, so please don't get too upset about that, okay. I am so tired, I have been watching my video of Mulan almost non-stop trying to get everything in order and stuff and my head is full of all the music (which is actually a good thing really...) Anyway, hope you like the chapter, I tried to make it a bit longer, sorry I almost didn't get this up in time. Now I must go sleep..._

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**Chapter 5: _A Girl Worth Fighting For_**

I was called into Chi Fu's tent to discuss his report. The three weeks were up and the report due. Things weren't going as I had hoped.

"I know that they don't seem like much, but in the past few weeks they have improved greatly and are quality warriors. They are ready to join the imperial army." I explained, hoping that all that vicious scribbling Chi Fu had done whilst observing the training was not full of how badly Ping and the others had done on there first week's training.

"You think your troops are ready to fight?" Chi Fu laughed as he paced around where I sat, "They would not last a minute against the Huns!"

His words angered me. Of course my troops were ready! Well, sort of. He did have a point in a way. But with such a short time to train them, it is impossible for them to be at the same standard as my father's troops.

"They completed their training." I argued.

"Those boys are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be captain. Once the General sees my report, your troops will never see battle!" He mocked. That man was so infuriating.

"We're not finished." I defended, pushing down his notepad which contained his report. Chi Fu knocked my hand away.

"Be careful, Captain- the General may be your father, but I am the Emperor's counsel."

I glared at the weedy man. My anger growing.

"Oh, and by the way, I got that job on my own. You are dismissed."

I would have hit him there and then, but his words made me think again. They were his only weapon. He had no fighting skills. And besides, my father would not be too pleased if I had hit him. And his opinion was the most important thing to me.

I stormed out of the tent, pushing my anger deep down inside of me. I could release it later while training.

In my haste, however, I hadn't noticed the small figure standing to the side. Ping.

"Hey, I'll hold him and you punch." He joked. I was not in the mood for jokes though.

"Or not." I heard him say as walked past, trying to ignore him. "For what it's worth, I think you're a great captain." He said, his voice sounding softer and feminine. I stopped. He thought I was a great captain. A compliment. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. His hair tied up in a bun on his head, shiny-looking and probably wet. He nervously looked at me. I stopped looking at him, and continued to walk.

Why did he do this to me? Why is it that my brain freezes whenever he is nice to me? When ever he talks to me, or looks at me? For a moment there, my anger had melted away to nothing. I felt warm inside and wanted nothing more than to go over and hold him. I wanted to thank him for his support.

I reached my tent and had almost forgotten about the conversation with Chi Fu. The only thing that filled my mind was the image of Ping, smiling and joking, and complimenting me. His petit frame edged in silver moonlight. And eyes looking right at me with respect, admiration and possibly even … love.

Time passed by without me noticing.

"Captain! Urgent news from the general. We're needed at the front!" Chi Fu yelled, bursting through the orange-yellow tent, wearing only a towel. Not what I wanted to see after my thoughts of Ping.

I read the message. My father needed back up. They had gotten word that the Huns were nearby and ready to attack.

I ordered that all the men pack up. We were heading for battle.

The men trudged along tiredly. I felt almost guilty riding a horse. Ping was back there walking along with the others, probably exhausted. I shook my head, trying to rid my thoughts of the boy. The men were singing to cheer themselves up.

"Think of instead, a girl worth fighting for"…

I couldn't think of a girl worth fighting for. Only Ping. Maybe a girl like Ping. With Ping's delicateness but emotional strength. A girl who was intelligent like Ping and sympathetic. A girl who supported me and cheered me up. A girl who made my stomach do back flips the way Ping does.

Ping seemed out of place. The men all had their views. Women with moon-like pale faces, women who admired soldiers, women who could cook. Ping's turn.

I was curious as to what kind of woman Ping would like.

"How about a girl whose got a brain, who always.. speaks her ..mind?"

Interesting. His peers laughed and jeered. But I was intrigued. He certainly was not like any other man I knew.

The ground was covered in soft white snow. Breath became visible white mist in front of our faces. The men threw snowballs and played about in the snow. We were getting closer to where my father said he would be. That meant that the Huns could be nearby.

A faint outline could be determined from the top of the snow covered hill. We drew closer to it. I could hardly believe my eyes at the sight. The village was burned down, not a trace of life could be seen anywhere. I felt a lump appear in my throat. This was where my father was supposed to be. This is the village the army was stationed in.

The men were all shocked, not a word was whispered. We were too late. The Huns had been and gone. And the Imperial Army was not here to save the village.

"Search for Survivors!" I ordered, my voice the only thing heard other that the crispy footsteps in the snow.

Ping came up behind me. I don't know what it was that made me open up like I did then, but I did.

"I don't understand. My father should have been here." I told Ping, whose young eyes surveyed the scene with silently and mournfully. He didn't reply. Because at that moment, Chi Fu shouted over for me. I went over.

The other side of the bank was a nightmare. It seemed like miles and miles of death and destruction. A sight I will never ever forget. The Imperial Army, obliterated. Many brave men lying cold and still, after what appeared to have been a very bloody and ruthless battle. The Huns must have surprised them.

Chien Po was scouting out the miserable scene. He came over, his eyes unable to look at my face. He bowed his hairless head, as he handed me the decorative helmet that had once belonged to my father. Somewhere out there, my father lay dead. The man who I respected and admired. The man who I wanted to be like. The man who gave me this opportunity and who had raised me in the ways of a warrior. He was gone.

As Captain, it was my duty to show strength, even at times like this. I walked over to a clear patch of snow, untouched for what must have been days. I dug the sword into the ground and placed the helmet on top. I bowed down, determined to be a man, and not get too upset. I would never forgive myself for not being here for my father. I heard the crunch of feet on snow.

"I'm sorry." I heard Ping say. I got up and walked past stopping and putting my hand on his shoulder. He was the only one who came to comfort me, and though he didn't do much, he did enough to make me feel better. At least I had someone who cared. My father was all I had left and now that he was gone, it felt better knowing that someone cared about me, even if it was just a boy who I hardly knew.

I knew the men would be feeling rather downhearted, after all, the well-trained Imperial Army had been defeated by the Huns so what chance did they, a group of normal peasants with only three weeks training, stand against the ferocity of the Huns?

Although I didn't feel like it, it was time for a motivational speech.

"The Huns are moving quickly." I began, "We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Shao Pass." Not much motivation there… "We're the only hope for the emperor now. Move out." I ordered. It was slightly inspiring, well, the part about being the only hope was. But, really though, what else could I say? It seemed obvious that if we were to meet with the Huns, we would all be dead. Everyone knew it, but no one said it. They had been lucky so far, maybe luck would hold out?

But, to be frank, I wasn't in the mood. I had lost everything so why not lose my life too? My father would never think like that though, and for his sake I will carry on leading my troops even into death, all for the honour of our country. And with Ping there to support me, I was reassured.


	6. Chapter 6: Feelings Are Clear

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! This week to make up for my absence last week, I am uploading 2 chapters and I feel quite proud to say that they are 2 of the longest chapters in this story so far. Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**Chapter 6: _Feelings Are Clear_**

Travelling was tough. My emotions ran through my head like a torrent of water, each one awakening me to the truth and the inevitability that we were going to die. Ping was far back with the cart of cannons. Too far back to help me gather emotional strength. But I had to struggle on through the deepening snow and bitter cold, through the floods of unwanted thoughts and heart-numbing emotions. How I wished, as I rode atop my stallion, that I was at home with my family: the mother who had died when I was younger, the father whose bravery had cost him his life, but brought me great honour. How I found my thoughts travelling to memories that I thought that I'd forgotten. It was a relief to have found a warm retreat to hide my mind in, where I could relive my happiest memories, instead of fearing the bleak future like so many men behind me.

I saw my mother's vague face; all that I could remember from when I was so young, and I saw my father returning from the army and celebration all around. I think that it was at that moment I wanted more than anything to be like my father. To become a great soldier and bring much honour to my family, to return home to a loving wife and to a child who admires me the way that I admired my father. Now, I could see that this would not happen, unless there was a miracle. I would die to protect my country and great Emperor. The same way my father had died.

I needed to plan what we were to do. It was no use being unprepared. Though the Huns could attack at any time, I believed that they would wait until we were at the Imperial City. Our main aim is to protect the Emperor. Without him, the Huns would take over.

My planning was interrupted by a loud explosion coming from my troops. I swiftly turned to see a cannon had exploded. I raced down to where Ping was, and the smoking hole in the cover of the cart that carried the cannons.

"What happened?" I demanded to know. How on Earth could a cannon explode like that? Ping just stood there, as shocked as everyone else, stuttering.

"You just gave away our position!" I shouted, "Now we're…"

I fell to the ground, struck by an arrow. It pierced only my armour, and all I felt was the fall to the ground from my horse. A downpour of arrows fell like raindrops from the mountain. I called out to the men, yelling for them to get out of range. It dawned on me. This was it. They had found us. I had no plan. Nothing. We didn't stand a chance. I couldn't help but blame Ping for this. They would never had found us if it were not for him… but now was not the time for this. There would never be time for this. This was it.

The cart with our ammunition inside was now on fire. My orders were to save the cannons. We needed to stop the Huns, and fighting was our only option. The cannons were our last chance.

Ping saved his horse as the men saved the cannons. I was in too much of a panic to be angry with him. What the hell was I supposed to do? I was going to have to think fast. My men began to fire the cannons, the air became clouded in smoke and my ears hurting with the sounds of cannon fire. My throat became sore with shouting instructions, I was out of ideas. We had one cannon left.

"Save the last cannon!" I ordered, trying to think of what to do. The Huns were heading straight for us. Their huge army outmatching and outnumbering what I had. Like a rapid river, they flowed towards us, their dark forms pouring down the white snow covered mountain. This was it.

"Prepare to fight-" I warned, "If we die, we die with honour" I explained to my troops. I turned to Yao, the small but fiery soldier and told him to aim the last cannon at Shan Yu, the Hun's leader. If they were anything like us, when he fell, they would lose.

It happened in an instant. Before Yao could light the cannon, Ping zipped out and grabbed it. He raced off towards the Huns. It was suicide.

"PING! COME BACK!" I shouted, my eyes widened in panic. He was going to be killed. He was all I had, or at least all I felt I had. He became smaller and smaller the further he ran, towards the charging enemy. Heading straight into Death itself.

"STOP!" I cried out, before chasing after him, tumbling slightly in the snow. The cold was nothing compared to the pain I felt knowing he was going to die. My vision was blurred with forming tears that I refused to let fall. He was far ahead of me and my men far behind. The Huns were almost on top of Ping. Then something amazing happened.

Ping fired the cannon. Just in the nick of time too. Shan Yu appeared to be in front of the boy and the rocket shot off and missed him. And hit the great white-capped mountain behind, causing an avalanche. The wave of white fell down drowning the Hun army in snow. Ping sped back towards me. I was still in awe of what the boy had done. He had a plan and went ahead without my permission, and pulled it off. He grabbed my arm and I snapped out of my stupor. We ran as fast as we could back towards the men who were now hiding under a rock, sheltered from the oncoming flood of snow.

As the snow fell around us, Ping and I grabbed onto his horse, the black stallion who Ping had saved from the ammunition cart fire not that long ago. All I remember is not making it onto the horse. And snow surrounding me so that I could not move and could hardly breathe.

I slipped in and out of consciousness, awakening in just enough time to be pulled onto the up the cliff and under the safety of the rock. Snow cascaded down the surrounding cliff like a waterfall. And we were spared. Ping was seriously out of breath, kneeled down beside me as I sat up, trying to take in the confusion that had just happened. Once I realised what had happened, I looked up at him. He had saved my life. He didn't have to. He could have left me to die, but he had risked his life for me. And I was going to be eternally grateful.

"Ping," I began, slightly breathless myself, "You are the craziest man I have ever met." He looked quite upset at this remark of mine, but I smiled reassuringly at him, "And for that, I owe you my life. From now on, you have my trust."

He smiled back at me for a moment, and I felt warm and cosy inside, despite the damp coldness I felt on the outside. Ping's smile faded to a wince of pain.

"Ping? What's wrong?" I gasped, seeing the red blood seeping through his armour. My eyes widened again. He was still in danger. Shan Yu had done some damage, and I could still lose him.

"He's wounded!" I shouted, "Get help!" The doctor was summoned and quickly, a medical area was established; a tent in a clearing of snow nearby.

Ping slipped out of consciousness. I was a bag of nerves, seeing him go into the tent, I felt like that would be the last I saw of my Ping. The sweet and naïve boy that I knew I had feelings for. I wanted so badly to go in there and tell him. But if I did, I could possibly be facing the realisation that he was dead. Though we had won, and the Huns were defeated, we felt no need to celebrate because the boy, no, _man _who had saved China was lying near death in that tent. I preyed silently that he was going to be alright. I paced up and down outside the tent. The only thing between me and Ping was the material of the tent, and it was killing me inside knowing that he was in there in pain. If only that were me. The boy would be spared all of the agony. What seemed like hours had passed since Ping was taken into that tent and finally movement stirred the opening of the tent. The medic came out. I held my breath. He looked quite flustered and grim. He whispered quickly into my ear.

"She's going to be alright." He said. She? She? I looked at him in disbelief and he nodded. I barged into the tent and froze. Ping woke up and looked at me, smiling. The sheet that covered him slipped down. His chest was bandaged up in white, but it was not a man's chest. But a woman's. 'He' noticed that I was staring at his chest, and blushing he realised that I had figured it out. He covered up. Or rather she covered up. Ping was a woman. That would explain everything. His feminine attitude towards things, his high voice, his regular bathing habits and small frame. The way he looked at me and the way I was attracted to him. It was all because he was a woman. I felt a whole sense of relief, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulder. I wanted to hug Ping, tell her the truth about my feelings and celebrate the fact that she was alive. I almost smirked. Almost.

"I can explain.." The girl began. She was most definitely a girl. How come I hadn't noticed before? She was gorgeous. But she was interrupted. I would have listened to her explanation. But Chi Fu bounded into the tent, took one look and erupted.

"So it's true?" He gasped. Then it hit me. Ping was a woman. Women were not allowed in the army. The penalty was death. She had lied and tricked every soldier in the army, including myself. We would be a mockery. And so to stop that happening, I would be told to punish her. I would have to kill Ping. Ping, the person who had saved us all. Her bravery was going to be rewarded with death rather than celebration. How could I look at her? Anger welled up inside me. I had been tricked. A woman had outsmarted me. No matter how I felt, it was unavoidable. I had to kill her. I couldn't take being in that tent with her and Chi Fu. I stormed out, upset and angry, happy and sad all at the same time.

"Shang!" I heard her call out to me. I ignored her. Chi Fu dragged her out of the tent into the cold, the poor girl grimacing in pain and embarrassment. The men were going to find out. The friends she had obviously struggled to make were going to reject her. She covered her chest with the sheet as she was flung forcefully into the snow, Chi Fu not caring about the girl's injury, raving about how he knew something was wrong with her.

Her pulled out her tied back hair as she fell, revealing her secret.

"A woman!" He cried, as gasps echoed around the men. The hero Ping was a woman.

"Treacherous snake!" Chi Fu shouted, hoping to rally the troops into an angry mob, forcing me into my decision.

The girl, helpless and cold sat up slightly and turned with pleading eyes, staring straight at me. She spoke defiantly and strong, despite her vulnerable appearance.

"My name is Mulan. I did it to save my father!"

My mind froze. Her father? She didn't do it to dishonour the army, but to save the life of a loved one… She was every bit as kind as she had made Ping seem. She, this Mulan, was still Ping. My weaknesses were revealed to her before. She knew how sensitive I was when it came to my father. It could be a trick, to save her life. The military part of me said so, unsurely. However my heart told me otherwise. She was genuine.

"High treason!" Chi Fu cried.

"I didn't mean for it to go this far" She continued. She was expecting to die maybe? Or was she not expecting to get through training? Maybe she wasn't expecting to get caught? Whatever her reason, the outcome was going to have to be the same. She broke the law.

Chi Fu was adamant that she was to be executed.

"It was the only way - please…" She cried, wrapping the blanket around herself even more. "Believe me."

I wanted to. I really did. My thoughts raced my heart. What was I going to do? This woman, even though she broke the law, had saved all of China and proven herself as strong and smart as any man in the army, including myself. I owed her my life.

"Hmph." Chi Fu snubbed her. In his opinion women were not worth even civility. I could have hit him, if my head was not to busy thinking over what I was going to do.

"Captain." Chi Fu pressed me on. I had to hurry with my decision.

I pulled out Mulan's sword from the saddle of her horse, much to the horror of the soldiers. Chi Fu smugly told them to get back, reminding them of the law, and ordering them to restrain the now frantic horse. Mulan bowed her head, her short black hair falling into her face. Much to everyone's amazement, I dropped the sword to the ground in front of her. My decision was made.

"A life for a life. My debt is repaid." My heart sinking lower as said so. "Move out." I was going to leave her behind. If she had any sense she would go home and beg forgiveness from her father. If not she would die out in the bitter cold of the mountain.

Either way, I would never see her again. I would have to forget my feelings for her, as I could never tell her them. Of course, my plan was not welcomed warmly by Chi Fu.

"But, you can't just…" He butted in. I had had enough with the little man. I grabbed his collar and pulled him up to my height.

"I said move out." I stressed, anger in my voice. I think I scared everyone, by my attitude. No one disobeyed me. I was mixed up inside. Angry and upset, miserable yet happy, but at the same time emotionally exhausted, relieved and regretful. No matter how impossible it was, one thing was clear however. I was in love with Mulan.

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Hee hee. He admitted it. Finally. That was a really fun chapter to write. Hope you liked it._


	7. Chapter 7: The Imperial City

**Author Notes: **

The stuff below is the old review list thanks. I'll be putting a more recent one at the end of the story.

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Right, part 2 of the double chapter upload day. This is the longest chapter I think. Hope you like. I think by this point I should list everyone who has reviewed. So a BIG thank you to all of these people:_

**MiniEllie**, blackdragonofdeath13, **Jhs Rockerbaby**, Amber 14, alibi girl, dizzydragon, Angel of the Twilight, Veasse, pink panther69, Dragon Spirit Fighter, Fay-chan, **Sailor Serenity5**, A Cute But Psycho Bunny, **mischeif-maker**, oneredneckgoddess, Lover not a fighter, WildTotodile, ThessalyD, **Crystal Moon Magic**, ShineMore

_(People who have reviewed more than once in bold) _

_Apologies if I have made mistakes._

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**Chapter 7: _The Imperial City_.**

The trip to the Imperial City had been a long and exhausting one, where nothing was said. I wanted to rest, but my mind was uneasy. I thought constantly about Mulan. About what she had said to me. She wanted to protect her father. I would have done the same if I were her. Everything made sense now that she was revealed as a woman. And I remember saying that Ping was my ideal woman, if he were a woman, or something along those lines. Now he was a woman. My perfect woman. But she was inaccessible now. Not only had she dishonoured her father and her family by disobeying them and joining the army, but she was like a criminal and no one would ever approve of me and her. My best option was to forget her. Forget all about her deep brown eyes, her silky black hair that I so desperately wanted to touch, forget about how delicate she appeared, how her smile warmed my soul, how her stare would give me not an uncomfortable feeling but a happy one, where everything she did was on my mind. She was etched into my brain, and thanks to her stint as Ping, my only image of her as a woman was that of her lying topless save for a few bandages. How I wished I had a decent picture of Mulan as a woman in my head. No, how I wish I had no image of her in my head. Despite everything, I cannot feel this way. She has gone home to suffer the dishonour of being found out. Her life was over, and so are all of my chances of happiness with her. But then there was still the chance that she had been foolish, or upset enough to just stay put. If she had stayed there then she was most probably sick and dying. Not forgetting her bandages, which were covering a rather nasty slash in her side. I shook my head, ridding my thoughts of the woman.

I had other things to think about. Like seeing the Emperor.

"Do not think that I won't tell the Emperor of that, Captain." Chi Fu said as he rode along side me. "He deserves to know what a disgrace you are for not following the law." He gave a sly look at me, "And you will never work in the army again. Most likely you will be punished"

It took all of my strength not to hit him. Without looking at him, I growled through gritted teeth,

"Knowing that the person who saved us all is out there probably dieing is punishment enough, don't you think?"

The ignorant man just tutted and turned his horse around to fall behind amongst the men. Probably to stir up trouble and route for mutiny. Too bad he didn't know that the men detested him.

The city came into view, and word had reached it that the Huns were defeated. The evening was decorated with paper lanterns of all colours and was busy with people waiting to see the "Heroes of China."

Then they are in the wrong place, I thought, they need to go to the mountains where they will find Mulan. It was her plan and she had carried it out. That had lead to the defeat of the Huns.

We paraded through the city, accompanied by cheers and dragon decorations weaving amongst our troops. The palace stood ahead of us, majestic and powerful. I tried to focus on the splendour that was around me, and enjoy it, but it reminded me of how this was all because of Mulan. She should be here. Amongst the voices of the crowd I thought I could hear her voice, but I left it to my imagination. She was far away from here now. How my heart cried, knowing I would never see her again. I felt empty inside. Nothing would ever change that, until I had her again. Her with her kind ways and great intelligence that I knew no other woman could possess. How I wanted to see her again, just one more time. To give me strength to see the Emperor. To tell me that I was doing great, no matter what others, like Chi Fu said. I wished I could see her.

"Shang!" A familiar voice called, from behind me. The girl of my dreams rode up beside me, fully dressed and her hair hanging down.

"Mulan!" I said, my voice failing to hide the surprise and happiness I felt from seeing her.

She stayed serious, leading me to believe she was either ignoring the emotions in my voice, or she hadn't heard them.

"The Huns are alive! They're in the city!" She explained quite urgently. I avoided her gaze, slightly hurt that all she had to say was that. I turned to face ahead. She obviously didn't feel for me the way I felt about her. It was all a cover. She did it to save her life. I was such a fool.

"You don't belong here, Mulan. Go home." I said bitterly.

She remained unaffected by my words.

"I saw them in the mountains, you have to believe me!" She said, slightly more urgently.

I'd heard something like that before. When I had spared her life. Her game wouldn't work this time though. I can't believe what she says.

"Why should I?" My voice came out angrily.

She pulled her horse in front, halting mine.

"Why else would I come back? You said you'd trust Ping, why should Mulan be any different?"

She was right, I did trust Ping. But he had betrayed my trust and revealed himself as a woman. Mulan had tricked my emotions into thinking that I loved her and she loved me. It was all a joke to her. That was why I couldn't trust her. But, of course, if I told her that, she would know how emotionally weak I am, and try to hurt me more. My heart kept saying otherwise though. But it was wrong, I knew it.

I pulled around her and she stayed behind, saying to the troops,

"Keep your eyes open: I know they're here."

Yeah right. If they were here, we would have seen them. It's not like they are normal sized Chinese people. They are huge giants that look dirty and barbaric. We would easily spot them. There is no way. And besides, they were all killed in the avalanche.

The precession stopped. I dismounted my horse and headed up the steps towards the Emperor.

"My children, Heaven smiles down upon the Middle kingdom. China will sleep safely tonight thanks to our brave warriors." He said. _No, thanks to Mulan… _I thought.

It was my turn to speak.

"Your majesty, I present to you the sword of Shan Yu." I bowed, holding the sword up to him.

The Emperor looked at me.

"I know how much this means to you Captain Li. Your father would have been very proud."

It made my heart swell with these words. My father… All I ever wanted was to make him proud.

The Emperor was about to take the sword, but suddenly a bird flew down and grabbed it, flying up to the roof where a gargoyle came to life and grabbed it. Before everything had sunk in, Huns surrounded us from under their hiding place: The dragon costume that had followed us through the city.

They knocked us down and dragged the Emperor inside the palace locking the door. I got up and rushed to the door, pounding on it furiously. The evil laugh of Shan Yu echoed in my head. Mulan was right. And now Shan Yu had won. Unless we could do something…

The men and I struggled to lift the statue outside the door but we managed, and tried to use it as a battering ram, to no avail. Mulan stepped forward.

"Hey guys, I've got an idea" She rushed off, and the men looked at one another, before following.

_Should I follow too? _I thought. Her last idea worked alright. But really, it had failed hadn't it? The Huns were here… but I couldn't work alone and ram the statue into the door myself. I decided to follow, to see what her plan was.

When I arrived, I had never been so embarrassed for anyone in my whole life. Chien Po, Yao and Ling were dressed up as women! Mulan looked as beautiful as ever. I saw them wrap material around the poles of the palace- similar to how Mulan had shimmied the pole in the arrow test as Ping. I smiled. This was a good idea. I put my hand on her shoulder and she turned quickly, wide-eyed and worried as to who was there, but I smiled at her assuringly and she returned the favour. I took off my red cape and wrapped it around the pole next to Mulan's. We clambered up the poles and into the palace, all the while I was thinking how this plan might just pull it off and how I may just have been a bit too harsh on Mulan before.

Mulan went through the plan with us after we had reached the inside of the palace.

"Ling, Yao, Chien Po, you guys and myself are going to distract the guards by flirting with them, when their guard is down, we hit 'em with all we've got and then Shang, you run through and get the Emperor. Right?" We all nodded.

This plan was quite good. And she wasn't trying to get any glory from it at all. I smiled at her, and she looked at me. The same look she gave me back at training, where her cheeks were flushed red. She might still like me, I thought.

"Go for it Shang, I know you can do it." She said encouragingly. I smiled. Of course I could do it, now that I had her support. The time had come.

"Everyone know what to do?" Mulan asked, and we nodded. She looked around the corner before turning back. "Ok, any questions?"

Yao looked down at himself and back at Mulan.

"Does this dress make me look fat?" He moaned, before Mulan swiftly hit him on the head.

"Lets go then." She ordered.

I couldn't help but laugh at them as they tottered along hiding behind their fans, giggling like girls. The guards noticed them, calling them concubines. I did get a little angry at them calling Mulan a concubine, but decided to concentrate on the plan. I was waiting for the signal. The guards were distracted, and the troops struck. Revealing their chests to be nothing but fruit (except Mulan of course) and fighting the guards. Mulan had caught one guard in a headlock with his own bow and shouted for me to go. I wasted no time. I was not going to let this plan fail. I sped through the huge doors and up the steps. I was just in time to slide in front of the Emperor who rushed to the side as I fought Shan Yu. I kicked him, forcing him into the wall before I got myself up and trying to strike him with my sword, but he grabbed my wrist and swung me out over the balcony. Luckily my quick thinking saved me by seeing the column, and swinging around it to kick him in the face, knocking him down, where I jumped on him and punched his face as hard as I could. He rolled me onto my back but I punched him again and eventually got him face down on the floor with his arm behind his back. The others came up the stairs and Mulan ordered Chien Po to get the Emperor. They slid down a rope used for hanging lanterns and other decorations. Mulan was about to escape, I could see out of the corner of my eye, but Shan Yu, furious that the Emperor was now safely out of his grasp, fought me off him. The last thing that I felt was him head butting me. I was so dizzy I saw stars and fell to the ground.

I woke from my daze to see a furious Shan Yu looming over me, Mulan by my side. I wanted to protect her, so I tried to make my way in front of her. I got my only weapon out, my dagger, but he kicked it away, punching me and grabbing the collar of my cape. He hoisted me up to his mountainous height.

"You took away my victory!" He growled.

To my surprise, Mulan had thrown something at Shan Yu. That brave young girl.

"No, I did!" She shouted, pulling up her hair to show him the face of Ping 'The Warrior from the Mountains'. He was furiously angry. She picked up the shoe that she had thrown and ran down the stairs, as he abandoned all attempts to kill me. I looked as he chased after her. What was she doing? She was going to get herself killed! All for the sake of saving me, again. Guilt built up inside of me. This would never have happened if I had believed her to begin with. I got up, seeing how Shan Yu had broken through the doors. I ran down but didn't know which direction to run in to save her, so I ran to find the exit. I could maybe see her from outside, knowing her she would lead him somewhere dangerous like the roof.

I preyed that nothing would happen to her. I could never forgive myself if she was killed. I was a man, I should be fighting Shan Yu, not her. Not that amazing young woman who deserved a life of comfort and happiness. Needed revenge for my father's death at Shan Yu's hands. I needed to make him proud and she was doing all this. She had saved my life again, but at risk to her own… I had to find her and save her.

I found the exit and was running down the steps when something hit me. The fireworks exploded colourfully in the air and cheering was heard from all around. I rubbed my sore head. I had been kicked by Mulan's body flying through the air. I stared at her. She stared back at me. She was alive! Amazingly she was alive and Shan Yu… well Shan Yu was gone. I got up and held out my hand to help her up. She took it and it felt so right. After she got up, we both moved our hands away embarrassed. I was so relieved that she was alright.

I wanted to say something, but just then, as always, Chi Fu interrupted.

"That was a deliberate attempt on my life! Where is she? Now she's done it, what a mess! Step aside, that creature's not worth protecting!"

That was it.

"She's a hero!" I argued, trying to control my anger.

"T'is a woman. She will never be worth anything…" He hissed, a smirk forming on his mouth. I blew it. How dare he say that about my Mulan. She was worth the world to me. I grabbed him by the collar and hoisted him up, anger as my strength.

"Listen you pompous.." I began, but I was interrupted by the great Emperor.

"Your majesty, I can explain.." I attempted to say but he halted me, and Mulan stepped forward to see the Emperor, bowing down in respect.

"I have heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan. You stole your father's armour, ran away from home, impersonated a soldier, deceived your commanding officer, dishonoured the Chinese army, destroyed my palace!"

I could help but cringe. This did not sound good. I just hoped that her life would be spared. But what he said and did next shocked us all.

"And you have saved us all." He bowed down at the waist. Chi Fu looked and panicked, before flopping down to the floor, bowing as low as he could. We all followed suit. If the Emperor bowed, the person was very important. Though we were all shocked, I couldn't help but be happy. She had received the honour she deserved.

All of China bowed to her, and she stood there, confused and unsure. It soon sunk in though. She turned to the Emperor who had plans for her.

"Chi Fu, see to it that this woman is made a member of my council."

Chi Fu looked like he would have a heart attack.

"But, there are no council positions open, your majesty…" He said, making excuses.

My heart rose. If Mulan was a council member, she would stay in the Imperial City, where I would be. She would make decisions about the army and I would be able to interact with her all of the time. I could see her everyday. I smiled.

"Very well." The Emperor smiled at Mulan kindly, "You can have his job." He said light-heartedly. I felt like laughing at Chi Fu's reaction. He fainted. Mulan however, made my heart sink. She had graciously refused the job offer, saying how she had been away from home for long enough. My chances of seeing her again were very slim indeed. I had to tell her how I felt.

He was given the crest of the Emperor and the sword of Shan Yu. Amazingly, she hugged the Emperor as if they were family. We were all left astounded by her boldness. The Emperor didn't seem to mind though. He seemed to be quite fond of Mulan. But who couldn't be?

It came to the time we had to say our goodbyes. Mulan hugged her three best friends; Ling, Yao and Chien Po. But when it came to me, I wasn't sure what to say, or do. I wanted to give her a hug, and tell her how much I loved her, but she just stood there, expecting something from me. I was so unsure of what to do. I cringed when the words that came out of my mouth were:

"You fight good." and a pat on the back. We were both disappointed.

"Oh." She said, quietly, "Thank you." she said, disappointment evident from her voice. She walked past, perhaps not knowing that I cared for her the way I did. I had blown it. My chance to tell her my feelings, one that wouldn't be interrupted, and I had screwed it up. Now, I looked like a insensitive jerk who only cared about how my soldiers fight… and I was never going to see her again.

She mounted her horse and rode off through the crowds. I watched her until I could no longer see her. My heart felt as if it were breaking.

The Emperor came up behind me and cleared his throat.

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all." He said wisely. His words confused me as to what they had to do with me.

"Sir?" I answered, and he continued.

"You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty." He put his hat on and turned to go back to the palace.

I stood thinking it over. Maybe that was his way of saying that he knew how I felt about her and I was missing a rare opportunity of having the girl of my dreams? That was how I took it. I knew that I loved her, and I knew she was special. I had to go after her, and I had technically been given the go ahead by the Emperor himself.

So I had to go after her and chase down the woman I loved.

**Author Notes:**

These author notes were written before Christmas, when I got the Mulan II DVD. In fact, I think they were written before Mulan II was released here in the UK. Can't really remember lol. Plans changed. I ignored the sequel for the next few chapters, before seeing the sequel and kicking myself. It would have been perfect… ah well.

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Just about done with the movie now. Next chapter will be part movie, part my own. My version of what happens after the movie ends, (and I haven't seen the sequel yet but I do know what it is about... i think I might ignore that though) Anyway, as always thanks for your reviews and I'll update next week (keep checking my bio for details)_


	8. Chapter 8: Dinner

**Author Notes:**

I discovered that links in story chapters do not work. What I am trying to say in the old author notes is that I have a Live Journal Fan Fiction Progress Diary that I occasionally write updates and how far I am in completion of new chapters. The link won't show up on here, so just check my bio page by clicking on my name at the top.

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Sorry that this took so long. All updates now will be written in my Fanfiction progress diary on  
click here for the page. _

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**Chapter 8: _Dinner_**

I don't know how long I stood there, gathering my courage. I was in Mulan's village, outside her house. I held onto the helmet she had left behind. I thought over what I was going to say. How I was going to say it. I was ready.

"Excuse me?" I said to the two women in front of me, "Does Fa Mulan live here?" I was slightly relieved when they pointed me in the direction of the house gardens where I saw Fa Zhou, a hero of a previous war.

"Honourable Fa Zhou," I bowed, "I.. Mulan!" She emerged from behind her father and in seeing her surprised face, my rehearsed words were forgotten.

I held out the helmet.

"Er, you forgot your helmet." I realised and turned to Fa Zhou, "W-well, err, it's your helmet actually isn't it, err I.."

Mulan interrupted my nervous rambling.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" My heart jumped in joy.

"Would you like to stay forever?" the old woman called from where I came in.

"Dinner, would be great." I answered, thinking forever would be great too.

Mulan blushed with embarrassment at her grandmother's words. Fa Zhou came over and asked who I was. Mulan introduced us.

"Father, this is Captain Li Shang. Shang, this is my father." We bowed and the two women, including the old woman, came over.

"This is my mother and my grandmother." She continued, "Mama, Grandma, this is Captain Li Shang." Again we bowed. Her grandmother looked me up and down before whispering to Mulan,

"Good work, he'll do nicely" She smiled.

"Grandma!" Mulan whispered back embarrassedly. I blushed slightly, feeling no need to conceal it. I was shown to the dining room, where Mulan poured some tea.

She seemed a little nervous. She did a good job with pouring the tea, very poised and elegant. A perfect woman. I smiled at her and she blushed slightly, accidentally overfilling the cup.

"Agghh!" She cried, rushing to grab something to clean the mess up with. Her mother shook her head in shame. Mulan seemed a little disheartened by what happened. She hung her head low and was a little upset. The room was silent.

I didn't mind the tea pouring thing. I loved Mulan, whether she could pour tea or not. My father used to tell me that good women could pour tea, look after children and look beautiful. Now I knew that it wasn't exactly true. Mulan was a good woman, yet she couldn't pour tea. I don't know how she is with children, but she was most definitely beautiful.

Fa Zhou spoke up.

"So Captain, show long are you planning on staying in our humble village?"

I was caught off guard. I was too busy thinking of Mulan.

"Erm, well I haven't decided yet. The journey has made me quite tired so I may stay in an inn overnight…"

"We would be honoured if you stayed here for the night, Captain. After all, you took the time to return my helmet to us, it is the least we can do."

I paused. It would be rude to refuse…

"Thank you, sir. Your offer is most kind." I drank my tea, and held it out for a refill.

"Mulan, may I please have some more tea?" She looked astonished that I asked her, after what she had done before, but she nodded. This time she poured the tea with no trouble and I smiled at her again.

After we had had some more tea, I asked to speak with Fa Zhou alone. He allowed it. We were walking in the gardens, and we came to the foot of the shrine.

"Honourable Fa Zhou, I.. Well, I trained your daughter at the training camps and would like to congratulate you on having a well-raised and strong willed daughter."

Fa Zhou smiled.

"Well-raised… If that were so she would not have ran away and done what she did. I am just glad she is safe. Thank you for looking after her so well, Captain." He said.

I gathered all of my courage to say what I had wanted to for such a long time.

"Great Fa Zhou, I am in love with your daughter. Would you allow me to ask for her hand in marriage?" I bowed down, preying that his answer was a good one.

He thought for a moment and looked towards the shrine. Then he looked down at me and smiled.

"You have my permission to ask her. Good luck, Captain."

I tried to keep serious but I felt so overjoyed that I had a huge grin on my face. We walked back to the house, where dinner was ready. Mulan saw me and seemed quite pink-faced. I wondered what her mother and grandmother had been saying to her?

She seemed quite alarmed at my beaming face. And she looked quite curious.

We sat down and ate the rice and spiced chicken meal that had been prepared for us. It was delicious. After we had finished, conversation was started about war. Fa Zhou kept looking at me and then Mulan and smiling. I needed to find the right time to ask her, away from her family. Fa Zhou had obviously thought a similar thing, and asked Mulan to show me around the gardens, to which she blushed a little and agreed in the traditionally modest and humble way girls were taught.

We both stood up and she led the way out into the sunset lit garden. My heart beat with every step I took. This was the first time we had been alone together since I found out her secret. I wanted to talk to her, but my dry mouth prevented me from speaking. I had never been so nervous in my life. What if I was rejected? What if she didn't feel the same way for me as I did for her? What if she thought we were just friends? Or worse, just colleagues in the army? I shook my head. No. I had to ask, otherwise I would never know the answers to the question I had longed to be answered since I met Ping. Did she love me?

"Is something wrong, Captain?" She asked, being polite, but genuinely concerned for me.

"Erm, me? Well, erm, no. No. Why?" I stuttered finally getting words out, even if they sounded rather un-cool and nervous.

"You were shaking your head a second ago."

"Oh, that was nothing…" I lied. I looked down at her. We were standing by the pond they had in their garden, the orange-painted clouds floating by in front of the lowering sun. The garden was a picture of peace and tranquillity, and was overshadowed by the beauty that stood before me in the shape of the girl that I loved. She stood quite unsurely, like me, not knowing what else to say.

I had to muster some courage. It would be tough, but I had to ask her. Otherwise my life would be empty. She was the only one who understood me, or so I thought anyway. She comforted me at my father's death, helped save my neck by saving the emperor and her smile makes my heart soar. Without seeing that smile everyday, I'm sure that I will never be happy again.

I took a deep breath and took the chance.

"Mulan?" I began, forcing away the nerves that were trying to stop me. She looked up at me, curiously.

"Yes, Shang?"

"I- I- I erm.." I could feel the nervousness taking over and stopping me from saying the things I wanted to say. Her eyes looked so hopeful. They gave me the courage to continue.

"I- I love you. I love you more than anything in the entire world and would be honoured if you would.. Marry me."

She looked at me and there was silence. My heart pounded in my mouth, I was so nervous. What would she say now? Would she reject me? Or would she accept, and make me the happiest man alive?

Her eyes filled with tears. They shimmered in the light of the sun. Without a word she jumped into my arms in an embrace that, although surprising, I never wanted to end. She whispered into my ear an emotional reply.

"Yes. I will."

I froze, not knowing what to do. In my head I couldn't stop celebrating. My heart stopped at her words. She accepted me. She loved me in return. I was now engaged to the woman of my dreams! But my body was frozen in shock.

Mulan broke away from the hug.

"Shang, I.. I've always loved you, ever since I met you. It would give me great honour to be your wife." she smiled, wiping away her tears of joy. My face wore the biggest smile I had ever had. It was unreal. Mulan and I walked arm in arm, back to the house to announce the news, talking of when we realised our love for one another and how to tell the news to Mulan's excited mother and grandmother.

"Granny kept telling me that "That Captain is a good catch, Mulan" and acting as if we were already engaged, when I had no idea you felt that way about me." Mulan explained.

So that was why she was blushing when her father and I came in the room. Her grandmother was embarrassing her.

"You didn't know I loved you?" I asked, quite surprised. I thought that my feelings were being shown to the whole world, they felt so obvious.

"Well, I had a suspicion," she laughed, "But I couldn't get my hopes up, especially after the whole revelation. I had tricked you all and I thought that you hated me." She added, seriously.

"I could never hate you. I tried to, but I just couldn't. I had to face that I loved you and no matter what you did, I would love you."

She blushed.

We soon reached the house. Taking a deep breath, we entered to see the family sitting patiently. I cleared my throat, bring all of their attention to us. The silence was a little unnerving, but I continued.

"I would like to announce that… your daughter has agreed to become my wife."

Fa Zhou's face lit up in a proud smile, Mulan's grandmother and mother rushed over to congratulate us. This had to be the happiest day of my life. I felt welcomed into this family which was an amazing feeling having lost my own family. I couldn't wait until we were married. To officially be a part of a family again. And to have what I had wanted for so long; the person who had stolen my heart, as my partner.

**Author Notes:**

The old notes were written before I planned the sequel, so ignore them. They are useless. Well, all apart from the bit about checking my journal!

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_I don't think that this will continue for much longer. A few more chapters, maybe up to 12. Keep checking my journal for details_


	9. Chapter 9: Reflection

**Author Notes:**

I hope that don't mind this chapter being a song-fic. The extra long disclaimer explains that I admit I do not own the song, but I am sure Disney won't mind me borrowing the lyrics to emphasise the chapter. It does help advertise the movie so I shouldn't see it being a problem. I apologise from changing the odd word or two in the song, but I was writing about Shang and saying "who is that _girl _I see" would have made no sense…

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_Sorry about the wait. I've scrapped my update day for the moment. Check my fanfiction progress diary for more details.  
This is the final chapter I'm afraid, but do not get upset if you want it to continue. It will.  
I am doing a separate story for the next part, since I've decided to go through Mulan II in Shang's POV as well. Of course the beginning will be slightly different to the movie, since I'd wrote the engagement before I saw the sequel's version of the engagement.  
This chapter is a song-fic to Christina Aguilera's version of "Reflection". Some of the lyrics sounded like they fitted in with Shang. This is just a summary of Shang's feelings, before I continue with the next part of the story._

_Enjoy._

**Disclaimer:**

By the way, as you already know **I DO NOT OWN **Mulan, **DISNEY DOES!**

**AND ** I don't own the song "Reflection" either. **Disney owns the song**, **Christina Aguilera owns the voice behind the pop version**. The lyrics may be changed slightly for this fic but **all credit for the lyrics and overall song goes to Disney**. I don't claim to own it and am not making any profit by having it here. _Any complaints just mail me from my bio page. _

**Chapter 9: _Reflection_**

_Look at me  
You may think you see  
Who I really am  
But you'll never know me  
Every day, is as if I play a part_

I was taught by my father to be a man, strong, powerful, never showing weakness. I play the role of the uncaring Captain. Those soldiers. They never bothered to look underneath the façade that I created when I was younger - the image of the man that my father taught me to be. No-one cared to think that I was a person with emotion and not a tool for the army. No-one that is, except 'him'.

_Now I see  
If I wear a mask  
I can fool the world  
But I can not fool  
My heart_

Men do not show their emotion. Emotion is weakness. In war, it is weakness. Love. Love in China is as orderly as an army. Matchmakers. Arranged marriage. Men get a 'perfect' woman. Women get the strong, emotionless man they were raised to accept. But my heart told me otherwise. It told me this was wrong.

My heart pointed elsewhere. It pointed in an appealingly wrong direction. A morally wrong direction that seemed like it could ruin my father's honour. And like a real man, I hid it as best I could.

_Who is that man I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside? _

Stern, cold, full of ambition. That was how I appeared, looking at my reflection. I knew that wasn't me. I knew. But no-one else realised. Except 'him'.

_I am now  
In a world where I have to  
Hide my heart  
And what I believe in  
But somehow  
I will show the world  
What's inside my heart  
And be loved for who I am_

But, what would people have said? The looks I would have been given. How would my father have reacted. He died with honour, and made me feel even more guilty about my feelings. The forbidden feelings that I now could never reveal, in order to save the honour my father had earned the family name. The honour I had to live up to. How could I live up to it with those feelings in my heart?

_Who is that man I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
Why is my reflection  
Someone I don't know?  
Must I pretend that I'm  
Someone else for all time?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside? _

I had to pretend that I didn't care. I had to live with the fact that I would never know the truth, because I was too much of a man to embrace my feelings. Too scared to ask myself that question, too worried to face that person and admit something that was not only wrong socially, but something that may not have been reciprocated.

_There's a heart that must  
Be free to fly  
That burns with a need  
To know the reason why_

I had to say something. I had to. My heart kept screaming it out, but my pride ignored it. My pride overpowered it. And it hurt more than anything. But I couldn't say it.

_Why must we all conceal  
What we think  
How we feel  
Must there be a secret me  
I'm forced to hide? _

I finally warmed to these feelings, and my heart fell into turmoil and yet it rejoiced at the same time. 'He' was a 'she'. My feelings were normal. They were acceptable. I was in love with a woman. Not a man. This one person, in my whole life, this person knew me. She could tell from the start what kind of person I was.

_I won't pretend that I'm  
Someone else  
For all time  
When will my reflections show  
Who I am inside?  
When will my reflections show  
Who I am inside? _

When will my reflection show who I am inside? Now. Now that I am with Fa Mulan, I can see clearly who I am and where I belong. I belong with her.

**The End **

_**Old Author Notes:**_

_The next story will be out some time soon. Not saying when, since I have lots to do, but soon. Until then, I'll keep updating the diary on to tell you where I'm up to. Bye xxx_

**Author Notes:**_  
_ Thank you for the ongoing support of this fanfic. You people help inspire me and all of your comments and criticisms are useful. Thank you for your support.

I'd like to acknowledge everyone who has reviewed up until now.

**(16th June 2005) **- total reviews: **98**

Multiple reviewers in **bold**. Times reviewed in brackets (if multiple reviewed)

**MiniEllie** (x5)

blackdragonofdeath13

**Jhs Rocker baby **(x4)

Amber14

alibi girl

dizzydragon

**Angel of the Twilight **(x3)

Veasse

Grendel the Abominable Snowman

Dragon Spirit Fighter

Fay-chan

**Sailor Serenity5 **(x3)

**A Cute But Psycho Bunny **(x2)

**Mischeif-maker **(x5)

oneredneckgoddess

**Lover not a fighter **(x2)

**WildTotodile **(x2)

ThessalyD

**Crystal Moon Magic **(x3)

**Shine More **(x2)

Lynn12

**Angel3ve** (x2)

Jessilea

**schoolqueen** (x2)

kaio

x authentic

**ChibiMangaAngel** (x2)

**Callisto Callispi **(x2)

Lalie Elhini Atta

Angel452

CommonKnowledge

Doomy Grrl

Beechiki

Mii-chan1

Katana-Babe

**Hilarity-Ensues **(x8)

Jedi-Bant

Engelchen17

Floweramon

Nerfi-Tiri

**Yoshie** (x2)

akie

Heaven-Sent515

**Muggleborn22 **(x2)

Frozen in Motion

Lady-Of-Emerald-Flames

jenny

**Crystalstarlight **(x2)

hpdigigal

LilPippin

MeLaiya

colorguardbaby23

StarTraveler

**Mangamaniac** (x7)

Apologies for mistakes.

Hope to hear from you when I upload the sequel.

Bye xxx


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